tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473819170664052953.post4233696664006776046..comments2018-12-08T19:35:48.240-05:00Comments on The Black Squirrel: Telepaths: The Park Slope Conspiracy - 13J. A. Platthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03579737369756389484noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5473819170664052953.post-13098510307663021482011-01-17T12:55:04.724-05:002011-01-17T12:55:04.724-05:00"The FBI agent, Carl, stood up when we came i..."The FBI agent, Carl, stood up when we came in." feels out of sequence with the rest of the surrounding events.<br /><br />"“Ok.” I sat back in my seat and let my eyes half close. I concentrated Harding, the details of his face, his height, his grim expression when he opened his door. Ready?"<br /><br />I concentrated <i>on</i> Harding...<br /><br />I like where I think this is heading, also like how we now have two of our POV characters tied together.<br /><br />A comment I forgot to make on an earlier chapter: I think you need to draw out the second escape (the successful one) after the transfer, it felt almost like a footnote.Jonathan Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14841202262555830312noreply@blogger.com